a16z Casually Vacuums Up Another $7.2B Because Why Not
While the rest of VC is eating instant ramen, the Marc & Ben show scooped $7.2B in fresh dry powder. LPs said 'take my money,' every other GP left on read. 💸
Andreessen Horowitz closed $7.2B across new funds, which is roughly the entire 2024 vintage of every other firm combined. The fundraising winter is real — unless your name rhymes with a16z, in which case it's perpetual summer.
LPs are pulling back everywhere, allocators are doing 'denominator effect' math at 2am, and somehow the megafunds keep getting megafundier. Capital is concentrating at the very top of the stack like it's a beanstalk.
Translation for founders: there's more dry powder than ever, you just have to get past 19 partners and a vibe check to touch it.
Stripe Now Worth $91B, Still Refuses to IPO Out of Spite
A tender offer bumps the Collison bros to $91B. Late-stage is thawing for the chad names while everyone else quietly marks themselves down in the group chat. 🧊
Seed Rounds: Fewer, Fatter, and Somehow More Insufferable
Median seed checks hit an all-time high while deal count cratered. If you don't have an ex-OpenAI cofounder on the team, it's looking kinda ngmi out there. 🍜
Another AI Chip Startup Bags $300M, Sovereign Money Goes Brrr
A sovereign fund led a $300M Series C at a $4.5B tag because slapping 'AI inference' on a deck still prints. Compute demand > supply > common sense. 🤖